One of the most perplexing mysteries, to me, in the world of politics, is the Cabinet Reshuffle. It seems bizarre to me that you could wake up one morning with responsibility for schools and go to bed responsible for, say, the armed forces. Furthermore, these jobs are routinely handed out as rewards, with a perceived hierarchy, so that jobs like Home Secretary, Foreign Secretary and Chancellor of the Exchequer are seen as promotions. What, on the other hand, never seems to come into the equation are background, areas of expertise and suitability.
That Boris Johnson’s approach to handing out jobs is based entirely on loyalty is well-documented, but hardly unique. He seems particularly determined to use only this one criteria for forming his cabinet, and uniquely averse to even considering competence, but the general principle of just putting people in jobs and then moving them around every now and then is not of his manufacture.
For example, Grant Shapps‘ life prior to politics seems to be within the website publishing world (a job he continued to have after becoming an MP despite threatening to sue anyone who said he continued to have it after becoming an MP). In his time, however, he’s been Minister for Housing and Minister for International Development, and is now Transport Secretary, so presumably the face of our current fuel crisis. None of which varied positions seem to have anything to do with his experience.
However, despite his web-based background, one job Shapps has never had is Secretary of State for Digital, Culture, Media and Sport (or Secretary of Sate for Sport as previous incumbent Oliver Dowden appeared to think the job was). When he had to deal with Culture, Dowden’s main emphasis seemed to be blocking the reappointment of trustees to public sector roles, under the guise of wanting to bring new people in. However, with his threats to cut funding to institutions that made any reference to British Colonial history not being 100% excellent and good, or made any reference at all to slavery, it seems as if Dowden fancies himself as a frontline soldier in the so-called culture war. Hence, presumably, the bizarre speech he was due to give just before being bounced out of the DDCMS where he expressed an intention to make it a requirement for British public service broadcasters to make ‘distinctively British’ television. Proving himself to be a man with his finger on the pulse, he quoted Only Fools and Horses, a show that hasn’t been on tv for 18 years, as an example of the sort of thing he wanted. It may seem odd that he didn’t pick something more contemporary, such as the outstanding I May Destroy You from 2020, last seen promoting the quality of British TV at the Emmys, but it definitely isn’t because Michaela Cole is black and I don’t know why you would say it is.
Dowden’s successor at the DDCMS is Nadine Dorries, someone who does at least have skin in the game, being an author of several critically reviewed novels. Her commitment to culture even saw her suspended from the Party Whip as she sacked off Parliament to participate in I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here without telling anyone at her job that she wasn’t going into work. She also has a strong interest in social media, having stated in 2010 that any benefit claimants who tweeted more than 35,000 times should be reported to the DWP. Pre-politics, her career was in health, and she has served as Minister of State for Mental Health, Suicide Prevention and Patient Safety. Not a candidate, though, it seems for Health Secretary. Although maybe with her history in managing her expenses, perhaps she’s being lined up for the Treasury.
Currently at Health, we have Sajid Javid. Javid has done the rounds, having been Chancellor, Home Secretary, Culture Secretary, Business Secretary and Communities Secretary. Javid took over as Health Secretary during the second year of the Covid-19 pandemic, the worst public health crisis the world has faced in 100 years, and is uniquely qualified to handle the job at this time with his pre-political experience in the health sector. Only kidding, he was a banker. On the plus side, he is the driving force behind meeting the Tories’ commitment to build 40 new hospitals, albeit by the creative approach of redefining the words “new” and “hospital”.
Javid’s predecessor at Health was the unfortunate Matt Hancock, who resigned after footage emerged showing him disregarding social distancing guidelines by canoodling with a lady at work. Boris Johnson’s favoured approach was to let him off and do nothing about it, much as he did with Dominic Cummings (I’m not linking to that, come on…). Hancock resigned though, in recognition of the fact that his behaviour undermined his ability to encourage the public to follow those same rules, an act of integrity that presumably is why Johnson hasn’t wanted to find him another position.
Another scenario in which Johnson, despite a clear demonstration of inappropriate behaviour, preferred to do nothing was when Home Secretary Priti Patel was found in breach of the ministerial code by bullying her staff. Instead, she received Johnson’s “full confidence” and kept her job. I have nothing else to say about Priti Patel, not least of all because I’ve already said the words ‘Priti Patel’ twice and now am only two more instances of saying it before she appears in the nearest mirror and DEVOURS MY SOUL.
Equally unshuffled is Leader of the House of Commons, Jacob Rees-Mogg. Now, as a practicing Christian, I find Rees-Mogg one of the most objectionable of Johnson’s cadre. If I subscribed to a traditional interpretation of Hell, there would be a special circle reserved for the likes of Rees-Mogg who do so much to besmirch the name of our faith. A vocal Christian when it suits him, such as when the issue of abortion comes up or his willingness to flout Covid-19 guidelines, those same Christian principles seem not to affect him so much when he’s doing things like going on TV to endorse the use of concentration camps or forecasting financial prosperity post-Brexit and then warning his hedge fund investors to get their money out of the UK as soon as the referendum’s over. On the plus side, Rees-Mogg is rumoured to have made over £7m since the referendum, so there’s more chance of a camel passing through the eye of a needle than there is any of us having to run into him in the afterlife. And if that doesn’t keep him out of heaven, then one hopes that promoting himself publicly as a Christian and then expressing fury about a charity having the AUDACITY to feed hungry children will.
One could carry on at some length. We have Dominic Raab, who, as Brexit Minister, appeared to not really know where France was, and so was rewarded with the job of Foreign Secretary! He’s now moved to Justice, and been replaced by Liz Truss, who we should at least be glad is no longer in Environment. On the other hand, we might be finally rid of Gavin Williamson, the disgraced Defence Minister who Johnson brought back to Cabinet as Education Secretary, which he duly went on to balls up as well. Word has it the punishment for serial failure is a Knighthood. Gone too is dodgy AF Housing Minister Robert Jenrick (readers of that article will enjoy the trademark response of Johnson to scandal in his government, that of considering it ‘closed’).
And this is the appalling aspect of Johnson as Prime Minister. He’s not the first to PM to hand out jobs based on his relationship with an MP rather than on their suitability for the role, nor is he the first to appoint people who’ve then brought scandal on the government. Where he is unique is in his determination to ignore scandal and incompetence, and instead only valuing loyalty.
But then this shouldn’t be surprising. Boris Johnson himself has no aptitude for his own job, nor does he have any desire to put the effort in. Other leaders have been criticised for the particular vision they pursued for our country, but they at least had one. Johnson’s vision was only for him to BE Prime Minister. What he would do when he got there, he had no idea, and little interest. Which is why he’s so determined to ensure that the people around him are the best people for the job… of keeping him in his. And scandal be damned. After all, his own back catalogue is extraordinary:
- Sacked by the Times for lying
- Helped foster distrust of the EU as far back as the 90s by just making things up
- Fronted the campaign to leave the EU, despite believing it to be a bad idea, because it helped his own career and put him in opposition to David Cameron
- Was caught on tape plotting to have a journalist assaulted
- Suspected of abusing his position as London Mayor to benefit a US businesswoman
- Used racial and homophobic slurs in newspaper columns
- Protected Dominic Cummings after a clear breach of Covid-19 regulations, beginning a culture of mistrust over a ‘one rule for them’ approach to Government guidelines
- Probably lied to the Monarch over his unlawful suspension of Parliament
- £350m
- Now, he’s not the only MP or, indeed, man to have an affair, so to make too much of his personal life is dubious. However, not all adulterers have judges ruling that his behaviour should be made public as the public have a right to know his character and suitability for high office. And we don’t actually know any of the details behind the incident that had the police out to his flat over a suspicion of domestic violence.
It’s tempting to see Johnson as a cartoon figure. Indeed, that is exactly how he got where he is today, by convincing people he was, at worst, an avuncular figure of fun. And the likes of Have I Got News For You have to take some accountability, in helping create this myth. But the truth is somewhat more sinister, as his recent pursuit of the Police, Crime, Sentencing and Courts Bill hints at. Is the cuddly, flag-waving, zip-wire-descending, wiff-waff-playing BoJo really the same man who wants to give police powers to break up protests that are ‘annoying’, and impose ten year prison sentences on protesters? Johnson fancies himself a new Churchill but the truth is he’s more like a cut-price Mussolini. In a truly just world, he might expect to go out the same way.
Away from politics, I’ve recently got over a slump in self-confidence with my writing and got it together to enter a short story into the Galley Beggar Short Story Prize. I’m a big fan of the short story, although I’ve little experience in actually writing them. As an artform, though, I feel it’s seriously underrated. As with sprinting and marathon running, it’s far from being like writing a novel, only shorter. There’s a whole different set of skills to conveying an idea in short story form, even in knowing what sort of idea suits the format. Anyway, I tried my hand at one, sat down to edit it and then sacked it off for a few days, convinced I had nothing to offer and no chance of anyone liking it. Thankfully, with the deadline looming, I managed to kick myself up the bum and submitted it this morning. So that’s something.
And just as a little reward for making it to the end, allow me to throw a couple of recommendations at you. I’ve recently watched Searching, an impressive 2018 film by Aneesh Chaganty, in which John Cho investigates the disappearance of his daughter. The hook is that the film takes place entirely on screens – chat screens, facetime, google searches. It sounds beyond gimmicky (in fact, having made a short version, even Chaganty thought it too much to do for a feature), but is in fact one of the most gripping movies I’ve seen in a long time. Not only does it execute it’s concept well, it doesn’t forget to make a good movie while it’s doing so.
For something a bit older, 1952’s I Believe in You is a very involving look at the Parole service, with humour, pathos and a surprising lack of coyness around some of the more salacious details of the lives of those it follows at. And it features a rather delightful performance from a young Joan Collins.
As for books, I wrote last time about Oldladyvoice and, having now finished it, can confirm that it’s delightful. Equally pleasing is Tice Cin’s Keeping The House, a tale of Turkish immigrants in London, specifically three generations of women of one family. The characters leap from the page fully formed and the whole experience is so engaging. Both of these are from And Other Stories and are well worth getting hold of.
James Kinsley 